A Prayer.

Thank you God for my strong, caring, husband. Thank you God for my 3 little men who will grow up to be strong, caring husbands and love their mama. Thank you God for our little girl who wakes up smiling and thinks I hung the moon.

But most of all, Thank you God for WINE! Be ye red, white, or somewhere in between, wine, you keep me sane, you keep me married to that strong, caring husband I have. You keep me devoted to my three little men, and you keep me smiling at that little girl who wakes up smiling back.

These years are great, but they're hard. They are damn hard no matter what any other mama says. If any mama says these are the fun, easy years, she is either on some good meds, or lying.

A moment in the fog.

I'm back.
I mean, I guess I'm back. I'm writing again, that's a good thing.
But the truth is, I've never felt so "not back" in my life!
I know on paper and in my mind I'm so blessed. Great husband, check. Not one, two, or three, but FOUR healthy happy children, check. A place to live, check.
So why am I so lonely and sad? I try to think, "oh it must be the hormones from the latest pregnancy (only 4 months ago) trying to work their way back to regulation in my body.
If that's the case, great I'll try to ride it out.
But what if that's not the case?
I feel stuck. I have all these little faces staring at me and pulling me in 4 different directions from the moment I wake up until I finally get the last one tucked in at night.
The Mister and I said we were going to find a family business to do together so we could spend more time together as a family, but I think I'm much more motivated to do that than he is.
What do you do as a couple when you just can't seem to get on the same page?
I'm stuck.

I had "The moment"!

Today I had "The Moment".

It all started this afternoon when the fatigue overcame my 34 year old, 35 week pregnant body and it was all I could do to sit on the floor with the squishy blocks and half-heartedly build an elephant castle with my boys.

We recently discovered the cable music channel entitled, Toddler Tunes and it gets us through the afternoon witching hour. The song Rainbow Connection, sung by Kermit the Frog came on and I lost it! I used to sing that song to Bo when he was colicky and I was up ALL night! I had to run to the bathroom and hide so the little guys wouldn't see me cry!

It just suddenly hit me that they're all getting so big so fast! It's so cliche', but it really is kind of sad to look at my little men and know that I can't get any of the baby moments back.

I'm not even really attached to the infant stage. Breast-feeding is a chore to me, carrying someone around ALL the time bugs me, and let's face it, they're not that attractive with no teeth!

But it still makes me a little sad. Every day they get a little bigger and a little bit more independent. My role as playmate is already starting die out a little when the neighborhood kids come around. I wish I could freeze these moments and just play on the floor for a few years (well, with an hour workout break included, of course)!

God Bless the Stomach Flu!

Okay, so normally the stomach flu sucks. Especially when it's not only the 24 hour bug, but the 3 day stomach flu complete with vomiting, diarrhea and heartburn that cycles through Mom, Dad, child 1, child 2, and finally child 3. In fact, we're all on different days of our illness, so we still have about a day and a half to get this thing kicked, but that's not the point of this post.

Here's the point: I am a little neurotic about getting my kids out of the house every day and planning activities for us to do. I have a bit too much nervous energy, anxiety, whatever, and I find that I run myself and my boys into a fit!

These past 3 days caused me to completely slow it all down! We watched movies, read every book in the house, made a "zoo" out of the plastic animal collection, and just layed in the big bed and watched more movies! Besides the projectile vomiting and taking turns running to the toilet, the last 3 days have actually been a blessing! I feel like I really got to spend that quality time with all my boys that I sometimes don't get when I'm too worried about rushing them to the park or teaching them something.

Another blessing has been my amazing husband. In the book The Sacred Marriage, the author talks about how when we are able to find the romance in the most unromantic moments of marriage, then we are on the right track.

Patrick was sick too. He probably felt just as bad as I did, but the first day of our plague, he completely took charge. He brought me crackers, water, and the remote. He took the boys out for the entire day so that I could sleep! He even cleaned the puke up from the walls of the bathroom. (remember I said "projectile vomiting?") I look at these actions as extremely romantic and if I weren't feeling a wave of diarrhea coming on right this minute, I might just show him how romantic I think it is! HA!

32 weeks...and in NO rush!!!

I don't know why I can't just shut my mouth and smile for the camera! I swear, every picture of me I look like I'm telling off the cameraperson!
The other day my sister in law, Jeannine mentioned that I haven't really blogged about this pregnancy too much. It's true, and it's sad. What I would give to be able to stroll on the beach in all my pregnant glory, drinking tea and organic fruit smoothies. Reading pregnancy books and magazines and hunting down every little question or fun fact about gestation on the internet. I would LOVE to grab a seat in the pedicure chair for an hour before I slowly glide down the aisles of Babies R Us, dreaming of what my beautiful nursery will look like and then return home to wash all the sweet little clothes in Dreft...again.
But alas, instead of doing these things, I am lucky to get out of the house by 9am without anyone screaming (including me). I tried to make myself a cup of tea the other day. I boiled the water, put it in the mug when it whistled and was called away for a 2 yr. old poop emergency. By the time I got back to the tea, I realized I had forgotten to put the tea bag in the mug and now the water was cold again. As far as organic smoothies or anything for that matter, I'm grateful to throw half a pre-licked pb&j in my mouth and slam a prenatal!
With my erratic sleep habits, however, I do get a little window between 2 and 3am where I sometimes sneak a magazine article, but at that time of the day I don't even want to THINK about pregnancy, so I grab the trashiest US Weekly or People mag.
I did get a fabulous pedicure on Mother's Day and am looking forward to the next pedicure...next Mother's Day!
Lastly, this little girl better have some strong resilient skin. That Deft or Dreft stuff hasn't been around our house since 2006! All dirty clothes get thrown into one huge pile at the top of the stairs. If a towel or bathroom rug gets thrown in with it, so be it.
So is the life of Pat, Christie, and 3 little men under 3!
But seriously, as far as this pregnancy has gone, I have felt more nausea spells than with the boys, and I'm extremely tired. But the biggest difference is the peace and tranquility I feel this time. I think the testosterone cocktail was a bit too much for my system. I feel this time like I really have that inside "glow", and am having a beautiful time being pregnant despite how busy things are around here.

Our GQ's!

I would NEVER try and make my children into models or actors unless they were old enough to beg for it. However, a photographer friend of mine asked to take some pics of the boys playing for a photography contest she was entering. She took about 30 shots of the three of them.

Jesse didn't make the cut, but these two pics got accepted and will be in the contest and also in a photography magazine.

This is our family's 15 minutes of fame until one of our children enters American Idol, so we're extremely proud!

The dark stuff!

I wasn't going to ever address it again. I wasn't going to write this down. I was going to let my feelings pass with time or shove them away like I've done before. I don't mean disrespect to my parents, but this is MY blog and I need to write my feelings.

It was March of 2006. I was visiting my family in SLC with my 5 month old brand new first born son. We were sitting at my sisters house with my mother, my older sister, her husband and their kids.

There was a knock on the door. My brother-in-law answered the door and in walked my father.

Only he wasn't my father that day and hasn't been ever since. Through that door walked a man with black eyes like the devil. I didn't recognize his face, but a cold dark aura hung around him and chilled the air. He had one hand in his pocket and it was twitching and shaking in his pocket.

AT THAT MOMENT I WAS AFRAID THAT MY FATHER HAD COME WITH A GUN IN HIS POCKET TO KILL US.

I remember thinking, "Of course! I'm finally happily married with a perfect little baby and this is going to happen and I'm going to die before I get to enjoy it!"

I stood up to face him, my sleeping baby in my arms and said, "Dad, Dad?" He looked right past me with his sunken in, drug-weathered face.

He said he needed to talk privately with my mother and the two of them proceeded downstairs. Apparantly he told her that he had received visions that he was a prophet and supposed to bring some kind of message.

And then, just like that, he ran out the door and sped loudly away.

We later found out he went to another family members house and was threatening them with a crossbow.

My parents finally got divorced. I thought it was a great idea...Until she called to say they ran off to Elko, Nevada to remarry. He never completed a rehab program, but has supposedly been working on bettering his life. Maybe he has. Maybe he hasn't.

That's only ONE example of the drama that went on in our house. Forgive me, God, if it's wrong to not want a relationship with them anymore. Forgive me, God, if I don't want these two people around my innocent children.

I am moving forward.

I want my children to know why they don't know their grandparents when they're old enough to ask. That's why I chose to write this and one day I will share it with them.

Work in Progress!

"When you can do anything as though you work at nothing,

you have the best days of your life."

Zen Buddhist teaching

I wake up every morning and hold my 3 sons.

I read stories to them until they tell me they're ready for food, and yep,

I fix them their breakfast.

I get them dressed.

I take them to the park, zoo, playdate, or other activity I think will teach them about life.

I read more stories when we get home, and then yep,

I fix them their lunch.

I push them on their bikes and do art projects with them to keep them well rounded.

I play music. I play instruments. I play pretend kitchen.

I change all the diapers.

I fix them their dinner.

I give them their bath.

And then Daddy comes home.

He sits in the middle of the floor.

He doesn't try to teach them, read to them, quizz them, or make them well rounded.

He just sits there.

They climb on him.

They play and play and play.

They squeal, scream, giggle, and laugh at the top of their lungs.

He doesn't try to make them smarter, better, or more prepared for life.

But in that ONE or TWO hours that he's around, they've learned more than they did all day.

He connects with them.

And then WE put them to bed.

I have a little over 2 months left until we add on another child. At this point with every new addition, I usually go into panic mode: "How will I get everything done?", "There's not enough room on my lap, in my arms for everyone!", "Will they all get enough attention?"

But this time, I am completely at ease! I finally get it! I realize that, sure it's important to guide our children and it's my job to teach them things, but why make the day exhausting and wearisome for myself? They will learn to walk, feed themselves, talk, read, and all those other basics. And they will learn when they are ready to learn!

It's more important that I'm there. Connecting with them. I've recently incorporated more tickle fights and impromptu dance contests and less color quizzes and letter tracings into the day.

AND IT FEELS GREAT!

PRAYING FOR STELLAN!!!!

Tough morning...Jesse's drinking red Kool-aid straight from a bottle because we have no milk, Frankie's refusing to wear pants to the playdate we're late to, and oops! Bo just spilled toilet cleaner all over the carpet. I desperately NEED to get to the grocery store, but for now the packed lunch will have to consist of: one leftover dinner roll, one container of applesauce to split between the 3 of them, 2 vegetarian sausage patties...scratch that, too much freezer burn, and a bag of leftover starburst jelly beans.

I'll clean up the toast that's stuck to the wall (thanks to using honey as a "natural sweetener") later, because I really don't want to be late to the new playgroup. Okay, wipe the "kid shmagma" off the shirt and away we go to the park!

The one thing we got right today was PRAYING FOR STELLAN!!!! We all wore orange for that little sweetie! If you don't know what I'm talking about go to http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ and pray away!

Take a guess.

Today I'm just grateful...

Grateful that my husband still wants to be with me even through 4 hormone-packed rough pregnancies.
Grateful that my 3 sons are healthy and happy and we're not sitting in a NICU, PICU or any ICU anywhere.
Grateful God gave me the tools to be a zen mama.
Grateful that I can still teach Body Pump at 26 weeks pregnant.
Grateful for my extraordinary mother and father in law who treat me like I've always been their own.
Grateful for ice cream that beckons to me on a daily basis.
Grateful for the bad days that teach me so many lessons.
Grateful for the good days that make the bad ones so bearable.
Grateful for my girlfriends who have become my family.
Grateful for Lysol wipes in the big containers at Costco (on sale right now through May 13th) that actually kill the flu virus.
I love my husband more than anything in the world and I am mostly grateful for him!

I'm just Grateful.

Run. Fall.

We all need showers from time to time, and other Mom's know those can be REALLY tough to come by! I had reached my 3 day no shower limit (that's right, I said that), and it was time to just pacify the children and get clean!

They were all screaming at the bathroom door at first, but when I said...ahem...shouted, "Guys just play a game or something!", all of a sudden there was silence. And then giggling.

When I got out of the shower they were all laying in a heap with Jesse on the bottom playing a game they called, "Run, Fall".

"Mommy", said Bo. "In this game we run in a circle until the ground starts spinning and then we fall!" This is the best game ever!

Ta-Da! Successful Easter Egg Hunt for 2009! Bo found a total of $13.00 hidden in his eggs, Frankie sat down and ate EVERY SINGLE piece of his candy, followed by a puke in the jacuzzi, and, well Jesse's just happy to be around!

What a stud! Our Easter morning started with a beach walk/fishing expedition. We didn't even get a nibble, but what I'm supposed to say is that my "Waterman" husband subscribes to the "Catch and Release" method of fishing and released all the fish faster than we could see them. I'm okay with this little white lie, because if anyone asks he knows to tell them his wife weighs 130lbs!

What a difference a day makes...What a difference an attitude makes!

So I've been down on myself, down on motherhood, down on Ventura, and basically down on LIFE. I started following a blog; http://www.mycharmingkids.net/, and realized how selfish and foolish I've been. You see, the woman who writes the mck blog also has 4 very young children, but 1 who is on the brink of death at 5 months old. Everyday she updates her blog while sitting in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit somewhere in Minnesota. It just made me realize how good I really do have it. I have 3 healthy children and a husband who loves me unconditionally. What more could I ask for.

To tell you the truth though, I'm neither ashamed nor regretful for having life crises or hardships with motherhood/wifehood (is that a word??). I think moms should band together and cut the BS and just admit that we ALL feel isolated like I have been feeling and we all feel unworthy of the challenge, or maybe just unwanting of the challenge.

The secret, in my opinion is just to surrender to it. Which is what brought me to "Terrific Tuesday!"

It was suprisingly cold outside and me and my boys did NOT want to go outside. I could have turned this into "movie day", but I decided to try and be creative. We filled up both sinks entirely with bubbles and they played in there for an hour and a half!

Then they just all got naked and ate and wrestled...I'll leave that one alone because I think maybe it's a guy thing. Anyway, it was a great day! I'm so grateful for little moments in life God gives us that have the ability to ENTIRELY change our minds and moods! I love my boys! I love being a mom!

Growing, Growing...and still Growing!

Okay, maybe not the most flattering picture; I believe the look on my face is because I was giving direction to Patrick on taking my picture like he'd never done it before (a flaw I have, but am working on...the whole giving him unnecessary instruction), but anyway I will be 26 weeks pregnant on Wednesday and am so glad I'm keeping better track of this.

I'm usually VERY disciplined with my diet and my workouts, so pregnancy brings an amount of anxiety for me, feeling out of control with my eating, and too tired and unmotivated to workout as hard, so it's good to take these pictures and keep it all in perspective.

I was on my way to the beach in this pic and in my head all the fishermen around were there to throw me back in the ocean with all the other harpooned whales, but I actually think I'm doing okay!

I'm feeling extremely more fatigued this pregnancy and everyone tells me it's because I have 3 other very small children, but it's not that. I'm just more tired. Every pregnancy has been different, and so far this one has brought me exhaustion, but nice peaceful pregnancy feelings instead of the testosterone crazies I've had the 3 previous pregnancies (and the cupcake thing).

In short, things are lookin up!

This I believe!

As a mom, there are a few things I believe and will NEVER and I mean NEVER falter from. They are simply listed below:

1. I NEVER let my children watch television unless it is an instructional video such as Potty Power, or Letter Factory. They really get a kick out of the History Channel on occasion!

2. I ONLY feed my children organic food and absolutely NO hydrogenated fat oils. They don't even know what sugar tastes like!

3. I read to my children EVERY night and they NEVER miss an opportunity to brush their teeth.

4. I would NEVER think of EVER drinking a glass of wine (like the La Crema Pinot Grigio 2007) or zoning out with a magazine when I'm alone with my children...at noon.

5. There is NO WAY, NO MATTER WHAT, I would EVER make my children take their SECOND bath of the day and call it "jacuzzi time" or anything of that sort just so I could read the new PEOPLE magazine or return a phone call.

6. I love getting all three children in and out of their car seats SO much that I would NEVER EVER think of leaving them in the car while I do anything, especially run in to mail a letter at the post office or something!

7. I can't even IMAGINE for one second, EVER hiding from my children in like, say the downstairs hall closet while they run screaming through the house fighting with each other and looking for me.

8. Last but not least, I would never in a million years put the new Disney movie, Bolt the Super Dog on TV upstairs and go downstairs to blog...that would be SO out of character!

HAHA! I would like to dedicate this post to a dear friend who we'll call "OKA" for the sake of not outing her in public. We are both hardworking moms who devote our life to our children, but are constantly laughing at ourselves about the things we let slide now that we have multiple children!

Our little motto is, "Make a memory every day." It DOESN'T, however, say "Make the ENTIRE day a memory!" How exhausting would that be?!?! We moms have just GOTTA RELAX a little!!!!!!!

Christie Finds Jesus...and he rocks!

Okay, I guess He was never really hiding from me, so I didn't actually find Jesus, but I've gotten a little clarity lately.
See this picture? This is my world...my whole world and my purpose right now. Lately I've been consumed with how tough it is being a mom to so many little ones and pregnant at the same time. Of COURSE I'm tired, but I've been extremely selfish. I have felt completely alone with no support system.
True; "It takes a Village to raise a family." I'm just going to have to figuratively live in one of those little tiny villages with one stop light and no Target for a while. It's time to cleave to my husband and just lose myself in my children for a while.
We don't have a religion in this Jamison household, but it's time for a little down home faith. Faith that if I have my priorities (husband, kids) in the right place, Jesus will show me the way!

Dear Frankie,

It is your cross to bear being the middle boy. I know, however you will rise above the middle child stigmas and be extraordinary. It is because of me knowing this about you that I will not apologize for skimming by your birthday and not even really mentioning it on our family blog until now, even though it actually took place BEFORE Jesse's. You know you are and always will be "my road dog", and I love ya! Now, here are a few pics of your big day at Disneyland!

Hilarious Story!

This is one of those stories I will never forget. Neither will any of the parents on the entire street. We had a birthday party for the March boys, Frank & Jesse and basically turned it into a block party. We live on a one way street with 16 kids under the age of 6, so we close it off and party in the middle of the road on occasion.

Anyway, one of the moms bought little prizes for the various games we played with the kids and Bo was the proud winner of the tricycle race so he got to pick his prize. He came running over with a huge grin on his face screaming, "Who wants a haircut?"

I looked down and saw him holding an adorable pair of "play-dough scissors" with a little animal on them and blunt edges.

I really truly am not a complete idiot. I did think they were play-dough scissors. I am a sucker for my boys, so when I heard him offering free haircuts I immediately ran over, bent down and said, "Yes, Bo, I need my bangs trimmed!"

Little Wonders

March is here! With March comes Frankie's birthday, my birthday, Springtime, Daylight Savings Time, and this year we get to add one more special day. Jesse's turning 1...Thank Goodness!

I never wrote down what happened to Jesse, but I really want to remember it, because even though it was almost tragic, I became a better mom and person because of it.

Before I even went into labor with Jesse, my friend, Alisa O. made me a CD with the song, "Little Wonders" on it. This song quickly became our Jesse's song especially for the line that says, "In the end, we will only just remember how it FEELS. I may not remember every detail about that horrific month (March, 2008), but I will ALWAYS remember how it felt and still feels!

So Jesse (if you ever read this), here's your birth story:

It was Easter, 2008. We were living in Ventura and had been up here for 3 months. We didn't have any friendships established yet, and I was worried who would take care of Bo and Frankie when Pat & I had to run to the hospital in the middle of the night. So, I knew Mary (your grandma) would be in town for the weekend and I was 38 weeks along. I had discussed my concern with my doctor and she said you were full term and it was completely safe for us to "move labor along." I went in for my 38 week appointment on Friday and she stripped my membranes. I went home, packed a bag, and went for a walk with Bo & Frankie. I also ate spicy food and drank a glass of wine to get that labor going!

By Easter Sunday nothing had happened. My doctor said drinking 3 tablespoons of Castor Oil was perfectly safe for inducing labor, so that night I drank it. Still, nothing happened! By this point I should have known that it just wasn't your time to come, but I was so preoccupied with it being convenient for everyone involved ie. Mary being close, Pat being off work, I forgot to just let God and Mother Nature take control. I even remember making a comment that I will never forget and always regret. Someone said, "Too bad you have no control over when a baby comes." I replied, "Sure I do, I just drink Castor Oil and take a little bit of the God out of it!"

The next night I drank Castor Oil again! (Side note, that stuff is disgusting and if you ever drive drunk you will find out exactly how nasty it is because I will pour an entire bottle down your throat) Anyway, I went in to labor that night. We got to the hospital about 7:30pm and I was dilated 5cm. I thought this was strange, because usually I dilate much faster. The doctor let me labor on my own for a while, and then broke my water because I wasn't dilating anymore. She (the Doctor) also gave me Pitocin, which helps induce labor, and 45 minutes later I pushed your little head right out as the doctor came running in eating half a sandwich.

One of the nurses quickly cut your cord and I turned to Pat and said, "Why didn't they let you cut the cord?" He didn't answer and his eyes were fixed on Sarah, the nurse that would ultimately save your life for the time being. Sarah said, "you guys this baby's not breathing".

From that point all I saw were the backs of about 6 sets of scrubs while the nurses administered CPR and my husbands face fixed in a way I will never forget and never want to see him looking like again! Pat was saying, "His name's Jesse, call him Jesse", as he yelled to you to please take a breath! I think I just screamed.

After roughly 1 minute you took a breath and cried! They whisked you away to an incubator where you would spend the first entire month of your life. Medically, you were diagnosed with underdeveloped lungs. Translation, you were taken out of my womb too early. Your body was big, but your organs weren't ripe.

All we knew at this point was that our perfect pregnancy that would surely lead to our perfect labor, birth and oh so perfect baby was not so perfect. Our little wonder was sick. Very sick. I asked Dr. Schick (God bless this man!) exactly how bad our little guy was. He said, "Well look around, your baby is in the direct middle of the room for instant access to him. I go to him first every time I enter the room. The worst case baby goes to this position. When I go to your baby last, it means he's in the best shape."

They continued giving you steroids for your lungs and heart, but you just weren't improving the way they expected. Your little body was so poked and prodded with IV lines that they had to put one in your head. Your little lungs just couldn't work hard enough to oxygenize your entire body. The next step was intubation, or a respirator.

I had only seen the big noisy respirators in the movies or Grey's Anatomy and the only people that put on those things were the really old or really sick. Basically they had one foot in the grave. I kept thinking this was the last step before the Doctor walks in and says, "Mrs. Jamison, would you like to hold your son before you pull his plug out?" I know I'm morbid, but these were my immediate thoughts when told about this God-awful machine!

Turns out, this horrifying machine saved your life and answered my prayers. Sometimes babies just need to rest to let everything develop and work. This was the case. With the respirator giving you breath, you were able to relax and let those organs grow. Sure we weren't out of the woods, but we were on our way!

I think you were about a week on the respirator when the Doc said it was time to try breathing on your own. Everything seems to move in slow motion in the NICU. I think you struggled for about 3 days trying to get your vitals where they wanted them, but it felt like forever! We just sat beside your bed watching the white machine with all the red numbers on it trying to will it to say the right numbers so that you could be released to come home to us.

Finally, everything stabilized! Hallelujah! I don't even remember the exact date that we brought you home. I just know that everything in the world felt right that day.

The old saying, "everything happens for a reason" rings so true to me. I've always been a hasty, instant gratification, impatient type person. I grew so much as a person and as a mother that day. I'm not as selfish anymore. Sure I try to have balance in my life, but I don't go around moping all day about not having "me time". The greatest "me time" I can ever ask for is when my adorable little men gather around me and say, read this book to ME, mommy hold ME, or play with ME, mommy. I realize that although we're an extremely lucky family, it could be taken away in the blink of an eye.

That day I learned to slow down and enjoy all the little memories and the little wonders unfolding right before my eyes. Jesse, I will always love you with all my heart. No matter how big you are, you will always be my littlest man! Happy Birthday!

SUNDAY/FUNDAY!

This picture doesn't really capture the fun we had today. I just think it's a pretty funny shot of these guys! We had a great day today. I should never complain about living up here, because how awesome is it that we live virtually across the street from the coolest beach in Ventura!

Today we stuck the boys in the trailor on my bike and the copilot seat on Pat's and went for a bike ride. We rode down to Surfer's Point at the end of the boardwalk. There we walked across the rocks and explored the tidepools. The boys are always fascinated with what we find at the beach. Bo was sticking his fingers in the sea anenomes and Frankie was going bonzai into the little pools. We also found a huge, beautiful starfish just chillin in the sand!

Afterwards we headed down to our favorite little burgers and beer joint on the beach, Duke's with our neighbors, Woody & Katherine. It was a great time!

Just when he thought he was safe...

Sorry little buddy! Bo kept saying, "I DO NOT want a buzz cut, Mom!" So I told him his hair style is called an "Up-do." One day he's going to walk into the Barbershop and ask for an up-do! HAha!

The economy suffers, Frankie suffers!

With our economy suffering, the Jamisons decided to make some sacrifices in life. I, for instance am buying Chai Tea mix from Trader Joe's and hand-making my Chai Tea every morning. I also rummage through Pat's jeans pockets daily for spare change and take the kids for ice cream with it instead of using the debit card.

Poor little Frankie. He has to sacrifice too. Like for instance with his new haircut given to him by none only then...Patrick! He had such great hair, and we really tried to save it and shape it, but we couldn't find the right kind of scissors and the meatblock scissors just weren't doing the trick, so it all had to go. Sorry little guy, when times are better you'll get those little luxuries back! Until then, burn your draft card!!!!

An ode to an old friend

There they are now. My old friends. My maternity jeans. I've been avoiding them for a few weeks thinking, "I don't need you, I'm just fine twisting a rubber band through the button hole in my 7's." And, "I refuse to even look at you until I absolutely have to!" And all the while they sat there, in silence waiting. Just waiting for some attention.

I remember the day I walked into that maternity store wearing my hand-me-down maternity jeans with the huge navy band that came up sexily right below my bosoms, that no matter how many layers I wore over it, that band shone through like a beacon in the night. And the inseam that made my crotch feel like it was being pulled to the core of the earth. I thought this was normal, maybe even pretty, but how it was SUPPOSED TO BE!

And then she came into my life. The clerk who saw my bewilderment as I sifted through all the jeans and came gliding across the floor holding my new friends. She told me they were discontinuing this particular pair, but she had one left and I should try them on.

It was the same feeling as when I realized I didn't necessarily have to wear thong underwear. There are other choices and I had made mine. These jeans came home with me that day and I wore them proudly like a uniform through three pregnancies.

And today here they are, waiting. Waiting for me like an old friend waiting to go grab a coffee and catch up on all the times...good and bad. Thank you maternity jeans, and welcome back for one last run!

This is sure to get people to talk to me!!!

The deal: I will draw 5 random people who comment on this post and they will receive something made by me. To you! It will be my choice and made especially for you. Leave your comment here before 11:59 pm EST tonight (Sunday). Just so we’re on the same page, here are the rules.

The details: No guarantees you will feel absolute true love, but possibly happiness, fervor, or chocolate. What I create will be just for you. It will be done sometime this year. You have no clue what it will be… it may be a story. Maybe poetry. (Well, probably not either of those.) I may draw or paint something. It will most likely be a wicked mix CD or a home-sewn Mystery Hero Bunny. But I may bake something and mail it to you. Who knows? Not you! That’s for sure. I reserve the right to do something extremely kooky.

The fine print (which is actually the same size, but whatever): If you are chosen, you must re-post this on your blog and offer the same to 5 people who do the same on their blog. When you get your lovely homemade goods from me, post a picture on your blog so I know my love arrived without a hitch.

Before you type in your name I think that you should know a few things.

#1. Do I care if you actually follow the rules? No...but Karma will.

#2. Do I care if we know each other? No, but you will be subject to my taste!

#3. I love this idea.

Pregnancy Tracking!!

Here I am...18 weeks pregnant at this point. You can't really tell from this angle, but each of my boobs are as big as my head. I wanted to do a month-to-month picture pregnancy tracker during my other 3 pregnancies, but never got around to it. Since this is the final 40 weeks, I'm going to be better!

Earlier this day I went in for my Ultrasound. It doesn't matter if it's the first child or the 45th child, that whole situation is truly truly amazing! I walked in and told the tech, "I'm not leaving until you tell me I'm having a girl". Poor Connie (that was the tech's name) immediately started scrambling around the room looking for the 2 pink towels she KNEW she had somewhere, and thought they would make the girl thing happen. I just chuckled to myself, knowing that my enormous breasts were scaring her into action!

My husband comes from a long line (10 kids in his dads family, 8 in his moms) of Irish Catholics. If you are not aware, think of the length of a Leprechauns legs and you will understand why I was a little worried about my daughters arms being the same length as her legs! I was incredibly relieved when Connie (that was her name) said, "wow look at how she's crossing her LONG legs." I was beaming with pride then and still am now.

And then there are moments...

I know I'm supposed to look at life like a series of adventures, but right now I feel so low! I'm so lonely here and I just need a friend.

Pat does his best, but he works all day and when he comes home at night he wants to sit, have a beer, do sudoku and play with the boys. He doesn't really have time or energy to sit and babysit my feelings and I don't blame him. Now is just the time where the kids have to come first and they are very demanding...especially at that "witching hour" in the evenings when he gets home.

I love my boys, but I miss my friends so badly. The worst part is knowing that they don't miss me. They all have each other down there and life goes on. I just can't seem to fit in up here. I'm sure it's just me, I'm not trying hard enough or am just not doing the right things.

Pregnancy is taking its toll as well. I'm tired. I'm sorry to my boys that they don't get a fully fueled mom to play with. I'm just so tired. I definitely think girl hormones are better on my emotions than the boy ones were in that I don't have as short of a fuse like I did with the boys (damn testosterone), but I'm just weepy. All the time.

I took for granted having such a great group of friends living so close in SD. How easy that was to get the kids together and we got to have our own social time. I miss all of them. I don't know how I can stick it out up here for a lot longer, but I know I have to find a way. I just need to suck it up...

Sorry if you're reading this depressing post. I'm not looking for any pity, I just needed a minute to vent.

Yes Jenny, it's all about the striped tights!

I will get back to this post later, I just wanted to let anyone and everyone know the verdict is in...IT'S A GIRL!!!!! And seriously, those striped tights were the FIRST thing on my mind when I found out! Yay!

The Happiest place on earth on the happiest day!

My husband is the man! When it comes to family trips, hotels, or playin hooky, he's an impulsive teenager! He reminds me of times in Highschool or college when we would just say, "let's ditch school and go to ---". And everyone would grab a clean pair of underwear, a slurpee and away we'd go for the day or weekend! He doesn't plan it all out and budget (which we probably should), he just goes with it and I LOVE his attitude.

So I wasn't surprised Saturday morning (Valentines Day) when I got up to make a special loveday breakfast for the fam and he came up the stairs and told me he had just booked a room at Disneyland and packed the boys up to go!

This was the best weekend! We have annual passes, so we go a lot, but this time was awesome because it was really rainy this weekend so the lines were short and we got to ride EVERYTHING! Bo and Frank even rode the matterhorn! I didn't know you only have to be 35 inches for that ride! It was so fun to see them so stoked about rollercoasters. It was a glimpse of our life to come when they can actually do all the cool rides with us! We had such a great time we ended up staying until Monday night!

If anyone is interested: The Courtyard Marriott was newly redone and it's amazing! It's only a block from the park and has a Ruth's Chris Restaurant (my favorite) located in front of the hotel. We got the deluxe suite which included one king sized bedroom and a second bedroom with bunkbeds and a pullout sofa, for only $159.00/night. It's not always this inexpensive, but if you can be a bit flexible with your traveling you can pull it off. Also the Embassy Suites is 3 miles from the park (but we use that for our workout) and includes free hot breakfast and a nightly happy hour reception. Those rooms are all suites and range from $120-170 per night. We used to stay at the Disney resorts, but have wisened up since then. It's not worth it!

The Secret!

I am now 4 months pregnant with my 4th child. I'm a "boy mom". I have 3 amazing little boys, and believe me, I wanted them all to be boys. Even when I was little I just wanted to have boys. During all three pregnancies I never even thought about maybe wanting a girl. I even felt sorry for my friends when they had girls! It was dirt, the color blue, trucks and sports for me all the way!

I think I was abducted by an alien. Anyone who knows me will understand the following absurdities.

* I get lightheaded when I see bubble suits or those little short dresses with bloomers underneath.

* I entered a store the other day for workout clothes and came out with 2 maternity sun-dresses. (I haven't worn a sun-dress since I was 3 and wearing the short ones with the bloomers underneath)

* I have an unusually strong desire to buy a tea set and get a pedicure.

* I always craved pizza and mexican food with the other kids, now I need a cupcake daily.

* I went online to find a lamp for the living room and ended up ordering a lime green and brown flowery bedding set for a crib!

Clearly I want a girl! I'm not even going to attempt to be politically correct and say, "I just want a healthy baby". Uh-uh this girl wants a girl!

My plan is to use the secret to get it! Me, Sarah, and Alisa tried to watch the movie, The Secret, but I don't think wine and that movie mix very well. Especially when you mix in the impromptu American Idol contest. I'm rereading it and I really think it's going to work!

I do like this book, but I'm joking...well kind of.

Preschool vs. Daycare vs. My care

Okay, so here's the preschool issue. I'm tired of people asking me which preschool I'm sending my 3 year old to. I don't judge other moms, in fact most of my close friends put their kids in daycare or preschool. But I'm just saying for me and my kids I'm not doing it!

Pat and I have this discussion b/c he thinks maybe Bo needs a little extra discipline when he's being stubborn, strongwilled, etc. I believe these are all the things Bo needs to be right now and he's just learning autonomy. I simply don't think kids "need" preschool. Whatever happened to hanging out with mom and the family until kindergarten? That's what I did!



Anyway, I don't want to anger any of the 2 other people that read this, like I said, to each his/her own. I'm just sick of having to justify why my 3 year old hasn't already started school and why I don't have my 2 year old on the waiting list!



I love Dr. Laura! I should be a better follower of hers, but here she is to back me up on this:



Sadly, the past 50 years have seen a huge increase in families who put kids in pre-school: from 16% to 70%! In addition to being separated from parents way too early, the problem is that fourth-grade reading, science, and math scores on the National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP) haven’t gone up since the early 1970’s. Hmmm.
For decades, I’ve read the studies about Head Start. Those studies indicate an immediate gain on IQ tests and other cognitive measures, but show that in later years, those scores become indistinguishable from non-Head Start kids.

Why the heck is there such determination to take small children away from their homes and mothers, and put them in an institutionalized setting, which does not add to their lives, but actually subtracts from them? A 2005 study from Stanford University and the University of California, Berkeley (neither of which is known as a conservative institution) found that kindergartners with 15 or more hours of preschool every week were less motivated and more aggressive in class than other kids.

In Canada, the C.D. Howe Institute found a higher incidence of anxiety, hyperactivity, and poor social skills among kids in Quebec after the introduction of universal preschool.
As you might imagine, the only preschool programs that seem to do more good than harm are targeted at children who come from extremely poor families (often those with neglectful and/or addicted parents). Even so, the return (adult crime, earnings, wealth and welfare dependence) were much smaller (16 cents for every dollar spent) than Obama’s notion of a $10 return. Universal preschool programs in Oklahoma, Georgia and Tennessee (2006, Education Week analysis) find no statistical difference in the performance of preschool and non-preschool students on any subject after the first grade.

Enough with the government intruding on parents’ abilities to make educational choices for their children by guilt or mandate, without any substantiation that there is a positive benefit. Common sense should tell you that small children are best served by a loving mommy.

Jamison Potty Training Week: Day 1

I don't think I need to say anything else about Day 1!

My Inspiration!

So, the deal with me and pregnancy is that although I appear to physically pull it off without a hitch, I emotionally visit what I like to call "The Dark Place" on and off for 40 weeks. It's during these bad times that make me think of my girl friends, because sorry Patrick, sometimes a girl just needs to talk to a girl! I don't have any close girlfriends up here in our new location, so my new love...addiction led me to search out the important girlfriends that have been in my life and unfortunately I'm no longer in contact with.

I got in touch with Lisa White (love her!) and asked her about Jenny Gonzales. She gave me Jenny's blog link and immediately I went right to it and read the whole blog from start to finish.
First of all, she inspired me to write my own blog b/c I thought it was just what I needed to keep track of the day to day and to keep a journal without actually having to pick up a pen (or find one amidst all the toys in the house!) But most importantly, reading that blog inspired me to be happy and live and love better!!! Jenny is married to the most adorable guy named Matt. He has Cystic Fibrosis. I remember sitting in Jenny's backyard many moons ago when she and Matt had just started dating and her explaining to me what CF is and that it is a fatal disease with the average lifespan being late 30's. I asked her, "Well then what future do you really see with this guy?" Knowing that she would most likely outlive him by many years, Jenny told me that all she wanted was to spend every moment she had with him and to have his baby so she could carry on his name. True love or what??

Fast forward 8 or so years...they are happily married and have the most precious little twin boys I have ever seen! Her positive outlook and attitude make me tune in to her blog every day just to see what I can learn from her. She makes me want to be a better wife to my husband and appreciate my wonderful family more.

Thanks for pulling me out of the dark place girl!

I need POTTY POWER!

okay, so here's the situation of the day: My oldest son, Bo turned 3 at the end of October, 08. He is still wearing a diaper and showing no sign of wanting to use that #*!!* potty. We bought the one that sings to him, the one that says, "good job" in English AND Spanish, and bribed him with marbles, chocolate, and his very own baby elephant. Nothing has worked. It's not really that I'm concerned that he'll NEVER do it, and I don't want to push him into anything he's not ready for, but come on...I'm having a 4th little monster in 5 months and I DO NOT want to be changing 4 diapers at once!!!

Also, it's getting pretty dang expensive buying diapers for three kids and I think Al Gore is in the process of filming another documentary about how our family alone is destroying the environment with all of our wastes! The only good thing is that we can still sneak the child into Disneyland for free. We just say, "Of course he's not 3 yet...how many 3 1/2 year olds do you know still wearing diapers?" Also, I think the neighbors are starting to talk!

So, if any of the 4 women reading this has any ideas on what I should do...PLEASE HELP!!!

Superbowl Sunday!!

Okay, so it's the 1st day of February and it happens to be Superbowl Sunday. This is perfect, because my New Year's resolution this year is to educate myself more on a subject my husband is extremely interested in...the NFL. Truthfully, I'm more interested in the food eaten at the games rather than the actual game, so I learn a few names of the players on the upcoming games, and then get serious about gametime recipes.

Here is the Superbowl MVP of our gameday spread:


BUFFALO CHICKEN RANCH DIP (delicious!)

8oz. Cream Cheese
1/2 cup ranch dressing
1/2 buffalo sauce (found by the hot sauce)
1/2 mozzarella cheese
2 cans of chunk chicken breast

**Just stir it all up and bake at 350 for 20 minutes and you're in business!

Thanks for playin!!!

4 under 4...please honey, no more!!!

That little phrase is currently framing my license plate. It replaced "Better late than Pregnant". My darling husband replaces my license plate every so often to suprise me. I think it's his passive-aggressive way of letting me know what he's thinking without getting into it with me. These days it's not a great idea to "get into it" with me because I am again pregnant!!!

I just figured out today, I've been pregnant 31 of the 49 months we've been married. So basically my husband doesn't really know me...the REAL me. Poor Patrick knows the hormonal, overly emotional, self-hating fat woman that is constantly tired and pissed off!

So here's my goal: This is my 4th and final pregnancy and I am determined to enjoy it! Usually I get so caught up in trying not to gain too much weight, look more pregnant than I am, and get the thing out faster, that I forget all the little prego perks. I am roughly 4 months along, and I want to have fun with it FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!! I want to just eat a corn dog if I feel like it even if I did have that chocolate custard donut for breakfast! I want to take the day off of working out even though I already took two days off this week! I want to say, "Honey, the baby really needs some caramel ice cream, but he wants to finish watching Top Chef with me, so could you make it for us?" You know...prego perks!

Really, it's only a short time in our life that we get to indulge and really pamper our body and soul this way. Life's too short to not enjoy pregnancy!!!!!!!

Introduction

Hi! My name is Christie and my husband is Patrick. I also have 3 other men in my life.

First came Bo. He was 3 in October and he's the dreamer. He currently insists on being called "Mrs. Tigress". (For any non-movie watchers, it's Angelina Jolie's character in Kung Fu Panda! He's well aware that she's in fact a female, but it doesn't bother him a bit! He doesn't need toys...give him a shoestring and a phone charger, and he will be in make believe land for an hour! I love that kid!

Frankie was born 17 months after Bo and was given to us to teach everyone a lesson in patience. He's an amazing little monster with a chronic dirty face and an extremely strong will. He's funny, quirky, freakishly strong, and definitely the life of the family! Even when Frankie was in the womb, I have always felt an extra strong bond with him.

Finally, our little miracle! 12 months and 12 days after Frankie was born, we were blessed with Jesse. Jesse had a rough start being born with underdeveloped lungs and stayed in the NICU for almost a month after birth. Looking at this child, no one would ever guess the kid spent a minute with a tube up his nose! He came home from the hospital smiling and hasn't stopped since! He's just a pleasure to be around and loves his brothers more than anything! The two oldest are definitely our little "mama's boys", but Jesse has a special little smile reserved just for his Daddy!

I need to write this blog because like many other stay at home moms (from now on we will refer to as SAHM's), sometimes I get overwhelmed and lost in the day to day routine of trying to keep everyone alive, happy, and well. I stop being me, I stop being happy, and I stop appreciating that I have a man that adores me and I have 3 other men that live for me!

I thought I would get married and have babies and life would just be perfect, the way my sister made it look. I am finding out that it's rough! Sure, there's so many happy times and wonderful milestones, but those moments in between are tough. I hope to just be able to vent here and invite others going through the roller coaster of motherhood feelings to jump in and go through it with me!

By writing this blog, I know I'll realize what's important. Family. No matter what else happens in life, it all comes back to FAMILY.